Take the Boundaries Quiz

1. Your mother invites you to come over for dinner, but you have other plans. Would you:*

Tell her that you are busy and suggest a more convenient time.

Change your plans to avoid upsetting her.

Feel obligated to try and do both dinner with your mom and your other plans too.

2. Your spouse (or the person you’re dating) wants you to apologize for something you did. But, you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Would you:*

Avoid the discussion and cry on the shoulder of a friend or parent.

Apologize to maintain peace in the relationship.

Decline to apologize and ask for clarification instead.

3. Your co-worker is about to miss a deadline and begs for your help finishing a project. You are also under a deadline to finish your own work. Would you:*

Reply that you aren’t available to help out.

Work overtime to attempt meeting both deadlines for yourself and your co-worker.

Reply that you’re busy but feel guilty for leaving the other person in a bind.

4. While you are out to dinner with friends, a child jumps onto your lap and treats you like a jungle-gym. Would you:*

Shift your focus from your friends to keep the child occupied and happy.

Continue talking with your friends while peering around the bouncing child.

Tell the child to either sit in your lap or get down and jump on the floor.

5. One of your friends says that he can’t make his car payment this month, and you have lent him money a couple of times already. He asks you to loan him $200. Would you:*

Lend the money because you have it and would feel bad about saying “no.”

Tell him that you can’t give him money because you don’t have any (at least not that you want to risk loaning to him, you think to yourself).

Tell him that you’re not comfortable loaning money to him.

6. You’re heading out the door for a long-awaited vacation when your boss drops a task in your lap. Would you:*

Respond that you’re unavailable to work on the task until you return.

Be a team player and postpone your trip one day to finish the task.

Meet in the middle and agree to work on the task while you’re away on your trip.

7. Your teen has a cell phone and loves to surf the web and text. Although you are paying the cell phone bill, your teen objects to you checking up on the usage. Would you:*

Agree not to look at your teen’s phone in order to avoid an argument about privacy.

Look at your teen’s phone while he or she is sleeping.

Insist that you will look at your teen’s phone despite the complaining

8. Your spouse or date is overweight and really enjoys eating fried food. At dinner before heading to the movies, the other person is about to order a hamburger and fries. Would you:*

Insist ordering a healthier option.

Mention you’re concerned the health issues could negatively affect your relationship.

Give the other person the silent treatment while they eat fatty foods.

9. You invite a friend with kids to stay at your home during a weekend get-together. But, as they leave, your home looks like a messy disaster area. Would you:*

Ask your friend to help tidy up before they leave.

Look the other way, say you enjoyed the visit, and spend all your time cleaning up.

Seethe inside and never invite them back again.

10. Your spouse (or the person you’re dating) has a habit of spending too much money and going into credit card debt. Would you:*

Suggest developing a spending plan together.

Hide the credit cards from the other person.

Try to drop hints that you’re upset with the current level of spending.

11. Your child’s sports team or church youth group needs an interim leader. There are plenty of parents available, but no one is pitching in to help out. Your schedule is already full. Would you:*

Decline the role even though it feels uncomfortable.

Accept the role and then try to rearrange your schedule to make things work.

Decline the role but feel guilty for not helping out your child’s group.

12. Your friend tells several inappropriate jokes at a party in front of mixed company that you feel are offensive. Would you:*

Cringe and look away, hoping he’ll pick up on your disapproval.

Pull him aside later and talk about your discomfort with what he said.

Say nothing because no one at the party seemed to mind.

13. A close friend whom you haven’t seen in months calls to cancel a lunch date at the last minute. She says she misses you and hopes to catch up soon. But, the cancellation leaves your schedule in a lurch. Would you:*

Tell her it’s okay even though it doesn’t feel okay to you.

Express your frustration and ask her to apologize.

Ask her to take the initiative to reschedule and confirm another lunch date.

14. When you and your boss talk with upper-level management or key customers, he has a habit of taking credit for the hard work you do. Would you:*

Bite your tongue and smile to avoid rocking the boat.

Take steps to start looking for a new job.

Feel powerless and glad to have your job.

15. You dread spending the holidays with your family because certain people tend to criticize your political or religious views. Would you:*

Create a reason to stay home because you dislike dealing with them

Attend the gathering but walk on eggshells around the others.

Go confidently and refuse to talk about touchy subjects if they arise.

16. Your spouse or roommate hates to clean the home, so you have been doing more than your fair share of the housework. Would you:*

Let the dirty dishes and laundry pile up as a signal of your dissatisfaction

Talk about the housekeeping issue and ask to make a fair plan.

Keep cleaning for both of you because it’s easier than creating an awkward situation or hurt feelings.

17. While you are riding in the car with a friend, she starts to text on her phone while driving. You feel unsafe and know that is illegal to text and drive in your state. Would you:*

Cringe and bear it while making a mental note to do the driving next time.

Offer to do the text for her and hopes she hands over her phone.

Tell her to either stop texting or let you drive.

18. You go on a vacation with other people. As you plan an activity for the day, everyone else decides to do something that you dislike. Would you:*

Participate so that you’re viewed as part of the group.

Say that you have other plans for the day and look forward to meeting later.

Go along with the activity but wish you had not gone.

19. One of your friends says something negative about you in public. Would you:*

Ignore the situation and try to let the comment roll off your back.

Feel hurt but believe the best in your friend.

Pull your friend aside and explain that you didn’t appreciate what was said.

20. You’re at a movie theater watching a new blockbuster when people in the row behind you start making noise and distracting your attention. Would you:*

Calmly ignore the disturbance and focus harder on watching the movie.

Sit quietly while fuming and hope someone else says something to the noise makers.

Ask the people to be quiet or go get a manager to handle the issue.