Boundaries Blog — family
7 Tips for Setting Summer Boundaries with Your Kids
It is scary how our kids can sense when we are weak and ready to give in to them. This can be especially true during the summer when kids are home all day and away from the structured environment of school. Without boundaries, kids learn how to beg, plead, argue, and rationalize to get out of their responsibilities. The later you start to enforce boundaries, the more energetically your children will resist. Here are seven tips to help you set important boundaries with your kids this summer...
How to Handle Guilt Messages from Your Mom
Tabitha telephoned her mother, who answered the phone weakly with hardly any voice at all. Concerned, thinking she was sick, Tabitha asked, "Mother, what's wrong?"
"I guess my voice doesn't work very well anymore," she replied. "No one calls me since you children left home."
No weapon in the arsenal of a controlling person is as strong as the guilt message....
Why Teens Should Get Angry with Parents
Adolescents get angry a lot. They live in protest mode, so it is second nature for them to get mad at everything in the world, especially their parents. But some parents are conflict-phobic — they are uncomfortable and afraid of being the object of their teen's wrath, and so they avoid setting boundaries with teens.
However, this teaches adolescents that if they throw a tantrum, they can get out of a limit. Teens who learn this will also have difficulty experiencing healthy adult relationships. To help your child avoid this relational future, you'll want to teach him to accept responsibilities in relationships without having outbursts....
Setting Boundaries with the Sins of Your Family
Susie had a problem that I (Dr. Townsend) had seen countless times before. This thirty-year-old woman would return from a visit to her parents' home and suffer a deep depression. When she described her problem to me, I asked her if she noticed that every time she went home to visit, she came back extremely depressed.
"Why that's ridiculous," she said. "I don't live there anymore. How could the trip affect me this way?"...
A Little Boundary Clarification Goes a Long Way
The parents of a twenty-five-year-old man came to see me (Dr. Townsend) with a common request: they wanted me to "fix" their son, Bill.
When I asked where Bill was, they answered, "Oh, he didn't want to come."
"Why?" I asked.
"Well, he doesn't think he has a problem," they replied.
"Maybe he's right," I said, to their surprise....