Boundaries Blog — family

When children come into the world, they are confused about the nature of their relationships. They do not think they are dealing with one person. In their minds, there are two mommies, not one. Or, two daddies, not one. There is the "good" mommy and the "bad" one.

The good one is the one who gratifies them. When they are hungry or needy, they protest, and the good mommy comes and relieves their stress. When they are gratified, they see this mommy as "good." But if something they want is not forthcoming and Mommy frustrates their wish, she is seen as the "bad" mommy. You may even remember this literally happening. It is not unusual for a child to hear "no" and say, "Bad Mommy." This split is universal....